That is the thing about the wounds we have from infertility, you never really have them disappear completely. Yes - we all get better a little at a time. Yes - we all have victories in the face of bumps in the road. Yes - we will never forget what we we've been through and feel it from time to time. The point is we heal no matter what little scar of where we've been is left behind. The scar is always better than the wound....it isn't attractive or easy to deal with on given days when you'd rather just be able to cover it up with just the right makeup, but it is better than the initial pain of the created wound.
Tonight one more wound sealed itself and forever became a wound. One of my friends went into labor and I got the text from the proud daddy-to-be once they were at the hospital. "Baby number 4 is on the way." This is a text that a part of me was dreading and a part of me was excited looking forward to it. Excitement won over tonight when that text appeared. Without thought, I smiled and replied congrats daddy and give momma a hug then asked if they needed company. That's right - I actually offered to go to a waiting room where we would hear all the news of the baby when she was born without giving any thought to how that could emotionally slam me. Why? Because that one little wound of the thought of my friends baby wasn't as much of an emotional slam as I once was afraid of it being.
By no means would I call myself cured of the emotional wreckage left behind by my miscarriage and the long journey still trying to get pregnant again. However, it is hopefully a step in the direction of healing. A healing process that will bring me closer to peace and a pregnancy of my own for a take home baby.
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