Appointment made

Over the past couple of weeks, I've really been wrestling with the idea of making a doctor's appointment to access what is going on with my body and why it seems like forever trying to get pregnant.  It was almost immediate gratification when I got pregnant before and now it just seems like a never ending cycle of disappointment.

A part of me kept avoiding making that important call because I am scared of what I might find out.  My mind goes to worst case scenarios of cysts and the like that have developed and are preventing pregnancy.  Of course, I'm hopeful it is a case of a simple levels that with the right medication will level out and allow for a happy and healthy 9 months of pregnancy.  It has been a real back and forth battle.  A back and forth battle that at it's lowest point would leave me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  A feeling I had even as I picked up the phone to make the call.  

Even as I hit the button to dial the doctor's office, I almost chickened out.  Throwing out there, I still have 3 months to try and fix this on my own.  Though I don't know if there is anything to fix and if there is if I can do it on my own.  Perhaps that is my stubborn independent streak.  Perhaps it is just my fear of the unknown.  Either way....I DID make that call.

I explained that I needed a pre-pregnancy checkup to see what is going on and to prepare for a healthy pregnancy.  I let them know I was entering my 9th cycle of unsuccessful trying and that my cycles were not as regular as they were before the miscarriage and at this point I would think they would have evened out a bit.  It was weird that everything kinda rushed out of my mouth when they answered the phone as if I was worried that if I didn't get it out then I never would.  It was such a relief when I heard "Let's schedule you a consultation".  Before I knew it, they brought me right up on the computer had my information handy and on this coming Tuesday the 31st I have an appointment set.  

I know that it is a mere consultation to go over what has been happening since the miscarriage and at very most they will probably do just a general woman's health and figure out a game plan of what we want to test for and when to come in for those to time them with my cycle.  Baby steps.  It is a step in the right direction though and I am going to focus on the hopeful versus the fear of what we might find out.